There comes a point in life when your parents complain that they never know what to get you anymore.
There also comes a point when the thing you’d love to blurt out is, “A down payment for a house!”
But it probably doesn’t even register as a reasonable request. You know they’re thinking more along the lines of a sweater or a gift card. Meanwhile, you already have enough sweaters, and the thing you’re saving for is a place with a closet to put them in.
So you just suggest some gift cards to Chipotle, Starbucks, or Amazon.
You’ll certainly put them to good use, but unfortunately, they won’t be much help getting you closer to buying a home.
But what if your parents would actually love to know you’d rather have help saving for your own place? They may appreciate having something to contribute toward instead of trying to guess which gift card to get you every few months.
This isn’t to suggest your parents are in a position to help you buy a house. Some are. Some aren’t. And even if they are, asking what you want for your birthday isn’t necessarily an invitation to request several thousand dollars.
But if buying your first home is on your mind, and help from family could make it possible, it may be worth bringing up. Even if they aren’t asking what to get you for a gift.
The tricky part is figuring out how to bring it up without sounding like you’ve already spent their money.
Know How Much to Ask for Before It’s Time to Ask
There’s a difference between telling your parents you’d love to own a house someday and showing them you’re working toward it.
Asking your folks for a down payment without having a handle on how much that amounts to can sound like a bigger ask than it might actually be. You may need less for a down payment than you (or they!) think, although you’ll also need to account for closing costs and having some money left afterward.
So before asking whether they can help, get a handle on what you can afford, how much you’ve saved, and what you might actually need. A conversation with a mortgage advisor can help you sort that out.
That way, when they ask how much money you’re talking about, you can approach your family with something more concrete than, “I’m not sure. How much can you give me?”
It’s better to give them an actual number, rather than essentially asking for a blank check.
You might say something like:
“I’ve been looking into buying a place, and I’ve spoken with a lender about what I could afford. Between what I’ve saved and what I’d need for the down payment and closing costs, I’m about $_____ short. Would you be open to helping with some of that? I don’t want to assume, but knowing whether that’s a possibility would help me plan.”
Use your own words, of course. Your parents may get suspicious if you suddenly sound like you’re reading a prepared statement.
The point is to explain your plans, ask whether they’re open to discussing it, and give them time to think.
They May Be More Open to It Than You Think
Asking your parents for help buying a house can feel like a pretty big request. So big that you might decide what their answer will be before you ever ask.
But they may be more open to it than you realize.
Maybe they’ve been hoping you’d bring it up, waiting to see you take the initiative. Or they’d love to help, but don’t want to make you feel pressured to buy before you’re ready by suggesting it themselves.
It’s also possible the thought simply hasn’t crossed their minds. After all, you keep asking for Chipotle gift cards.
Every family is different, and you know yours better than anyone. But if your hesitation is mostly about feeling awkward, try not to turn that into an automatic “no” on their behalf.
It’s a big question, for sure. But asking whether they’d be open to talking about it doesn’t commit anyone to anything. It just gives them a chance to answer.
Before Anyone Transfers Money, Talk to Your Lender
If your family agrees to help, it’s tempting to get the money into your account and check “down payment” off the list.
But before you do, have your mortgage advisor explain the process first.
You may have heard that money needs to be “seasoned,” meaning it has to sit in an account for a certain period. But gift funds don’t always require that waiting period. The requirements depend on your loan and lender, including who can give the money and how the gift and transfer must be documented.
Your lender may require a signed gift letter confirming that repayment isn’t expected. If your family expects you to pay them back, say so. Calling it a gift doesn’t make it one.
Ask what’s needed before anyone writes a check, moves money between accounts, or decides cash would be easier.
Once that’s all sorted out, you might want to treat them to dinner as a thank you. So save a Chipotle gift card or two for the occasion.
